#62: finding your own pace
on morning walks, yoga poses, writing routines & life.
I’m beginning to think the Victorian English society was right by taking great joy in constitutionals and times away by the sea. There’s something about walking — participating in nature, moving yourself one step at a time at your own pace — that grounds the soul. Truly, there’s nothing that a good walk cannot remedy. It clears the mind, calms the soul, reminds the body of its humanity. A propaganda I will fall for is bringing long walks back.
Our guest essayist
tells us what life is like for her at the moment, how she has found that pacing is a deeply personal journey. She writes incisively about comparison, competition and living life on your own terms.
I live many aspects of my life as if I am in competition with the world. I am in a game where my opponent doesn’t know they are my opponent. Sometimes wittingly, and many times unwittingly, I am a mirror. I reflect what I see someone else doing, either trying to keep up with them or trying to outperform them. Let me explain.
When I go on my morning walk and spot a fellow walker ahead of me, unconsciously, my arms and legs mirror their pace. It is as though I am trying to prove to an invisible audience that I can out-walk this stranger. This happens for a few seconds before I catch myself and notice that my body is fighting exhaustion earlier than it usually does because I am overexerting it.
When I am on my yoga mat and see my YouTube instructor settling deeply into a pose with ease – made possible from years and years of practice – I find myself trying to do as they do, as if I have the backing of years of experience to allow my head touch my knee in pyramid pose. All I get back for my effort is discomfort, pain, and maybe an injury.
It doesn’t start and stop with physical movement. When I read about writing routines and find a writer who says they write for two hours daily, I beat myself up for the measly 30 minutes that I struggle with. So, the next time I sit to write, I push beyond my regular minutes and wear myself out. The quality of my work turns shoddy; I detest the process I used to enjoy and wonder why.
When I see another Substack writer I admire or with more subscribers than I do who publishes weekly, I start wondering if I should abandon the twice-a-month schedule that works so well for me because, for some arbitrary reason, I feel the need to keep up with this person.
It goes on and on: the comparison, the pushing myself, the wearing myself out.
Life is teaching me to question this tendency of mine: Why am I moving at a pace that isn’t sustainable or enjoyable for me, like I am being forced to do so?
The whole idea behind this is that I am not doing enough, and I need to do more. Walk more quickly, be more flexible, write more, try more, do more. It is never enough; I am never enough.
I forget there was a time I didn’t take morning walks at all. A time when I could barely touch my toes in a forward fold. A time when I didn’t write at all for months on end.
Life is teaching me that as long as I continue to look at other people and place my life and my actions right next to theirs – like a find the difference game, circling all the ways our lives differ with me always lacking – this cycle of overtaxing myself will never end. I need to learn to behold others, observe and look away, or admire and take inspiration. End of story.
When practicing the asanas (poses) in yoga, they say you’re meant to feel a light stretch or opening in your muscles, not pain. This means you shouldn’t push yourself more than you can go in a bid to prove something not worth proving, only to end up with an injury. They also say you can make modifications to every pose. If you can’t touch your toes in a forward fold, bend your knees. If a side plank feels too much, use one leg as a kickstand, etc. This means, at certain times, looking away from others, sometimes even your instructor, to focus on finding your own pace and meeting yourself where you are at, before you think of building up.
Life is teaching me to stop treating it like it’s a competition and to meet myself where I am at. It is teaching me to figure out my pace, one where I can move without wearing myself out. One where I might even find pleasure and enjoyment, even if that pace differs from that of the next person.
Life is teaching me that it’s okay to walk a bit slower in the mornings; not everyone needs to power walk. It’s okay to use modifications in yoga. It’s okay to write for only 30 minutes. It’s okay not to publish as frequently as everyone else. It’s okay to take longer to read a novel than it takes that Goodreads friend. It’s okay to take a month to finish a simple crochet project. It’s okay to take breaks and handle things in small doses. It’s okay to not want to constantly ‘hustle.’ It’s okay to move at the pace that works for me. I discover that when I do, I enjoy life and whatever I’m doing more. I last longer in whatever activity I’m doing and want to return to it.
Life is teaching me that beating myself up and wanting to do more and more will never actually make me do more. It will only cripple me. Pushing myself beyond what I can do or give at any moment will paralyse me and take me even longer to get where I want to go.
Life is teaching me to say: ‘This is what I can give now, and that’s okay,’ or ‘I am doing more than I can, so I am taking a step back.’
Thank you for reading Fatima’s essay. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and found it comfortingly relatable. I want to tell you a bit about Fatima — who I met about a year ago because of writing.
is an essayist, culture critic and short story writer. She writes essays “about women, feminism, society and culture with the occasional musing, book review, and poem sprinkled here and there.” On Substack, she pens a monthly newsletter called anything and everything books, where she posts “monthly roundups about the books she reads and personal essays about the things in the world that draw her attention over and over again.” You can find out more about Fatima by clicking her Linktree and subscrbing to her wonderful newsletter.
P.S: I was featured on her newsletter last month! Read our interview here.
Tell us what you think about the essay! See you next week. Love you lots
and remember to eat your greens!
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Thank you for featuring me 🫶🏾🫶🏾
It's good to slow down when going through life, lt make things easier and you'll start to notice the little things and realize that's all that matter.